Meeting the one. It’s the holy grail of relationship moments. When you meet the person who is going to be your forever other-half, the one who completes you and all those other fairytale love story cliches.
But we also have that relationship before we meet the one. The person who makes us decide its time to stop falling for the guys who treat us like shit and play with our emotions.
My relationship before I met the one wasn’t some asshole of a guy who abused me. I didn’t need to be saved from him or be healed from his emotional bullshit. But it wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t the way relationships are supposed to be. And it wasn’t even something I noticed until almost a year down the line, but this wasn’t normal.
We dated if you can even call it that for a while, with only weekly visits. I would spend the night at his place on Thursday nights. At the time I thought it was because we were both busy. Dedicated students, working on extracurriculars, working towards something bigger. Now I think he looked at it like guaranteed company.
This relationship only lasted about 5 months. But when it ended, he dumped me because of a few people around him going through divorces and he claimed he had given up on relationships, I knew in that moment I was done being on someone’s hook.
I wanted so badly to be in that relationship. I let myself believe that this was it. Even though there was a gap between the two of us in terms of what we wanted, even though we only saw each other once a week, even though I was terrified to tell any of my family about him because I was worried they would judge.
He took me out to dinners. Bought me sweet little gifts like chocolate and stuffed animals. To be honest, he reminded me why I wanted to find a long-term relationship, and that’s the true power of the relationship before you meet the one.
They make you realize how stupid and crazy you’ve been. Even if you try to convince yourself that you are not the girl who has drama or gets nuts over a guy. I know I told myself that more times than I can count.
And yet, I would find myself upset over the fact that he didn’t call, or text. Why? Did it really matter that we weren’t in 24/7 contact? Well, in the wrong relationship it does. I found myself getting buried inside my head worrying about if they were seeing other women, or had lost interest, or even worse, had I done something wrong?
And I would go without speaking to him for basically an entire week. Looking back on it seems a little crazy that I was ever as attached to it as I was. I made me realize that I hated feeling this way. That maybe dating someone shouldn’t be this difficult. It shouldn’t drive me crazy.
Revolutionary right? Okay, maybe not but it was to me. I realized that I had wasted so much time being on the hook with some guy who didn’t want what I wanted.
This might sound like some girl lamenting about the past but to be honest, this is a thank you letter. A thank you letter to every guy, every failed relationship, that made sure when the right guy did show up I was ready.
And yes, I think unfortunately the guy you meet before you meet the one, that relationship has to hurt a bit. It has to make you feel vulnerable and broken. It’s part of the journey. And this isn’t the kind of relationship that hurts like the others. Its the type that makes the others make sense.
To me, it was like having cold water dumped on my face. And I know that this sounds cliche but no matter how your love story comes about, there is no way to tell it that doesn’t sound like some disgusting gooey romance novel. And isn’t that the way it should be? And the relationship before you meet the one is a huge part of that.
Think back to the last relationship you were in before you met the one. I bet it all seems to clear now all the ways they weren’t right for you. Do you remember the relationship before you met the one? What was it like?
Thank you guys for listening and thanks for stopping by. I hope you all enjoyed, had a great Wednesday and I’ll see you in the next one!